It happens to the best of couples. In the beginning, the two of you can’t keep your hands off each other. But over time, especially when life gets tough, that sexy spark can fizzle.
The signs that a couple is in a sexual rut can vary, according to Amy Levine, a New York City-based sex coach and the founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, but some common ones include:
- Sex is happening infrequently — or not at all.
- Sex has become routine.
- Only one partner seems to be initiating sex — and that partner is often rejected.
Sometimes partners get to the point where they just don’t see each other sexually, said Dr. Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, and founder of Florida’s Whole Health Psychological Center. She hears from couples who aren’t touching intimately anymore —not holding hands or kissing for longer than just a peck.
Another sign ? When partners no longer pay attention to their physical appearances.
Typically, desire and passion are at their highest at the beginning of a relationship.
“When people get comfortable in their relationships and all of life’s other factors come into play, desire sometimes fizzles off if not worked at,” Needle says.
Both experts say there are ways to get the spark back, but first we need to “ditch the myth” that sex should always be spontaneous and easy, said Needle. Like any other aspect of a healthy relationship, good sex takes time and energy. You have to make an effort.
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