7 ways to put the sexual spark back in your relationship

It happens to the best of couples. In the beginning, the two of you can’t keep your hands off each other. But over time, especially when life gets tough, that sexy spark can fizzle.

The signs that a couple is in a sexual rut can vary, according to Amy Levine, a New York City-based sex coach and the founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, but some common ones include:

  • Sex is happening infrequently — or not at all.
  • Sex has become routine.
  • Only one partner seems to be initiating sex — and that partner is often rejected.

Sometimes partners get to the point where they just don’t see each other sexually, said Dr. Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, and founder of Florida’s Whole Health Psychological Center. She hears from couples who aren’t touching intimately anymore —not holding hands or kissing for longer than just a peck.

Another sign ? When partners no longer pay attention to their physical appearances.

Typically, desire and passion are at their highest at the beginning of a relationship.

“When people get comfortable in their relationships and all of life’s other factors come into play, desire sometimes fizzles off if not worked at,” Needle says.

RELATED: What two words are the secret to a happy marriage?

Both experts say there are ways to get the spark back, but first we need to “ditch the myth” that sex should always be spontaneous and easy, said Needle. Like any other aspect of a healthy relationship, good sex takes time and energy. You have to make an effort.

Read more www.today.com

Desire in Long Term Relationships: Keeping it and Finding it When It’s Gone.

There might be love. There might be commitment. There might be a solid friendship at its core. But that doesn’t mean there will be desire in a long-term relationship. No wonder they’re such hard work! Worth it – but hard.

Desire feeds physical intimacy which in turn feeds connection, nurturance and the protective guard around relationships. Intimate relationships in which desire has faded can take on the shape of housemates or colleagues. There can still be love and a deep emotional bond in these relationships, there might even still be sex, but without desire the way we see ourselves and feel about ourselves changes and will ultimately play out in the relationship. Understanding the nature of desire is key to getting it back.

The intensity of desire in relationships will ebb and flow. Kids, work, life stress, hormonal changes and those ‘but-they’re-just-so-comfy-feel-them’ grey trackies that glue themselves to you in winter have a way of putting out the fire a little, but problems come about when it stays out for too long. Intimacy might fade, the connection might loosen and sex just doesn’t happen any more.

Slowly, the protective guard around your relationship might start to chip away. The very thing that makes your relationship different to every other relationship in your life slowly stops. You can spend time with other people, laugh, cry, argue, share a meal and go on holidays with them – but sex is something that is only for the two of you, building and nurturing an intimacy and connection that is shared between the two of you and nobody else. This is why it deserves attention.

The fading of desire happens slowly. It comes with the vacuuming, the cleaning, stress, work, busy-ness, familiarity, predictability and just trying to make it through the day. Above all else, it comes with the assumption of responsibility for the needs of our partner over our own. As explained by Esther Perel, a leader in the area of desire in relationships, desire fades when we disconnect from ourselves and become selfless, which is the enemy of desire.

Read full article on www.heysigmund.com

How To Keep The Passion Alive In A Relationship, According To 19 Women

Even the best long-term relationships aren’t immune to the occasional romantic lull. I mean, think about it logically. If you’re spending years and years and years with one person, the odds of every single day being a perfect 10 on the love-o-meter aren’t too high. What makes a couple truly strong is the ability to move past the lulls and reignite that same flame they had on day one. That being said, knowing how to keep the passion alive in a relationship isn’t necessarily a skill that comes naturally to all of us. So, for those of you wondering how to get the spark going again, I come bearing some extremely valuable advice. In a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, ladies in long-term relationships shared their best tips for keeping the passion alive.

Never Stop Making Romantic Gestures

He slaps me on the ass sometimes, so I guess you could say we’re going strong.

For real though, he is the sweetest guy. We’ve been together almost 7 years, engaged almost 2, and he loves romance. He buys me flowers, takes me out for dinner. He’s very affectionate and loves to cuddle. He tells me he loves me more than I can count, including every morning when we wake up and every night before we go to sleep. He tells me he’s proud of me all the time and although we’re not hyperactive sexually at the moment (stressful life circumstances), when we do have sex it’s pretty frickin’ mind blowing.

/u/Doingthescience

Make Time For Date Night

4 years here. Yeah we do romantic things every now and again, we aren’t the most romantic couple though. He bought me flowers last month because I was sad and he wanted to cheer me up; he’s just sweet. We try and have a ‘date night’ once a month, not just going out for dinner but going to the beach, to a nature reserve. My favourite dates have always been the days out together where we find a little cafe/ restaurant wherever we are and eat there.

Read more www.elitedaily.com

How To Keep Your Sex Life Exciting In A Long-Term Relationship

Here’s a causality dilemma for you: Which came first, the relationship or the sex? Some couples originate as a lusty, post-wedding, one-night stand that just keeps going, while other couples wait to copulate until it’s post-their own wedding. (Hashtag gasp.) Whatever your desired order of events, the sex is necessary to the relationship. Sex can make or break a relationship, so if you’re in a long-term one, you’ve got to know how to keep your sex life exciting.

Is it easy to get riled up over a new and exciting body in your bed (as long as you are consenting)? Affirmative. Is it easy to get riled up over a body that you have been sleeping in ratty T-shirts next to every night for four years? Negative. Married? Double negative. You and your partner could probably F each other with your eyes closed.

Because you obviously love your partner and want to make your relationship work, Elite Daily spoke to clinical sexologist Dr. Dawn Michael of TheHappySpouse.com to find out the secret to keeping the sex hot in your long-term relationship.

Make Sex Your Number One

Sex for president, 2020. The number one way to keep your sex life exciting is in fact by making it a priority. Putting an emphasis on sex, no matter how long you’ve been with your partner, is the best way to keep things hot in the bedroom… or wherever (because you should be doing it lots of places).

Read full article on www.elitedaily.com

Reigniting the Passion in Your Sex Life

Couples who maintain emotionally safe relationships find new ways to explore their relationships and renew their lives sexually. Here are some suggestions for reigniting your passion:

  • Review your expectations. Realistic expectations are the basis for a satisfied sex life. Life isn’t a romance novel or a porn flick. Making things real between you begins with connecting at an emotional level in your relationship.

  • Recognize that great sex begins in your relationship, not just in your bedroom. Clean up the kitchen, notice how your partner looks, lay out a compliment in the morning, and show your partner that you think of him or her even when you aren’t together. These things can often help pave the road to desire.

  • Keep in mind that couples are more adventurous and playful when they feel emotionally secure. In turn, couples are more secure when they enjoy a satisfying sex life. So, don’t just work on one or the other.

  • Take the pressure off. Finding times to express physical affection (touching, holding, caressing) without intercourse can take the pressure off helping you and your partner better express your sexual needs and desires.

  • Practice emotional presence. Showing up for sex is about more than being physically ready — it’s about being emotionally present. When you’re emotionally present, you see your partner and his or her emotional needs.

  • Put aside sexual activities that one of you isn’t interested in. If both of you aren’t into it, don’t press the issue. Pressure feeds anxiety, and anxiety is the enemy of arousal.

  • Take time to talk about what matters to you sexually, not in the heat of the moment. Talking about sex away from participating in it can allow each of you to be less defensive and more open to sharing and listening.

Source: www.dummies.com

How to Keep Passion Alive in a Long-Term Relationship

Sexuality is a crucial energizing force in the lives of human beings. At its best, sex in an intimate relationship is an expression of the emotional bond between two people. It is best understood in terms of the dynamics of the relationship in which it exists.

A healthy sexual relationship reflects the quality of the bond between two individuals. In my experience as a therapist, couples who cherish each other; are demonstrative about their love; and are committed to the relationship’s growth tend to be most content in their sexual lives.

Most often, eroticism is at its height in the beginning of a relationship. Then, mysteriously, it tends to subside. But monogamy need not be monotonous if the couple is open-minded enough to learn about the emotional parts of their relationship that are impeding passion and willing enough to bring novelty, intense closeness, and sensuality into their sex life.

Before anything else, in order to have a good sex life you need to see yourself (regardless of body image) as a sexual human being who has an inherent right to sexual pleasure. Know for a fact you are innately lovable and sexy.

Recognizing the positives in your partner is also mandatory. This means not focusing on his love handles or the skin beginning to sag under her arms. Focus on your partner’s general beauty. Love everything about them.

Listen to what feels good to your partner and what doesn’t without taking it as a sign of your inadequacy. Feedback from your partner is critical in negotiating satisfying sex. When there is distress in the relationship, this feedback is often given and received in the context of fears and anxieties.

SEXUAL DESIRE DISCREPANCY

It is common in intimate relationships for there to be a high-desire partner and a lower-desire partner. Even happy couples have learned to compromise, to deal with the issue with some objectivity and humor and to not let it affect their relationship outside the bedroom.

Read more www.goodtherapy.org

How to Spice Up Your Sex Life

Sexual lulls are normal even for the most passionate couples — and they can actually be a good thing. One psychologist related an aspect of the issue to ennui: “The emotional experience of boredom is impossible to ignore, and in this way it indirectly helps people engage.” Researching the science of boredom helped one of our writers prepare for marriage.

For advice on how to spice up your sex life, we turned to Emily Morse, a sexologist and host of the podcast Sex With Emily. “The problem isn’t the fact that passion fades, it’s that we’re so unprepared when it happens,” she said. “Hot sex is effortless” during the honeymoon phase of a relationship, she explained, and then things inevitably start to cool off. “The bottom line is that we’re hardwired to crave surprise, variety, and adventure — and long-term relationships are the exact opposite. Stability is the enemy of the surprise. Routine cancels out variety.”

Her advice: “Prioritize sex as much as any part of the relationship, and work to bring back the variety and surprise.” Below, she and other sex experts share ideas on how to have more (and better) sex with your partner.

1. Never stop sharing your desires. 
“As time goes on, passion fades,” Morse says. “Expect it, and expect to work if you want to keep things hot.” When you feel the fire starting to burn out, “take control and communicate with your partner. If you’re bored, chances are they are, too. The only way to make it work is to do it together.”

Read full article on www.thecut.com

Does Your Relationship Lack Passionate Sex? 7 Ways to Bring The Passion Back

“We hardly ever make love anymore.”

“Our lovemaking seems like a chore for both of us.”

“Our sexual relationship seems flat and boring.”

“My wife/husband is rarely interested in me sexually.”

I often hear these complaints from my clients. Yet, some couples deeply enjoy their lovemaking with each other even in very long-term relationships. What are they doing differently than the complaining couples?

Having worked with thousands of couples for the last 44 years, I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned about what keeps passion alive… and what doesn’t.

1. Personal Power vs. Neediness

Neediness isn’t sexy. By neediness, I mean that your sense of self-worth and sense of security and lovability are tied to how your partner treats you rather than to how you feel about yourself and to how you treat yourself. If your partner has to have sex with you for you to feel that you are okay, that may be a turnoff to your partner. Women especially want their man to be in their power — not coming to them like a needy little boy. I’ve often heard women say, “When I visit my husband at work, I’m so turned on to him because he is coming from his personal power, but as soon as he gets home, he turns into a needy little boy and all the turn-on is gone.”

It’s not just women who want their partner to have their own self-worth. I’ve worked with many men who are not attracted to their wives because their wives are needy and demand sex to feel okay about themselves. And it’s not just heterosexual couples who struggle with this. This same issue comes up over and over with my gay clients as well.

The issue here is whether or not you are taking personal responsibility for your own feelings and well-being. When you have learned to love and value yourself, then making love with your beloved is a way to express your love rather than a way to get love and validation.

Source: www.huffpost.com

How to Keep Passion in Your Sex Life

Passion and sexual satisfaction typically diminish in longer-term relationships, but this decline isn’t inevitable.

Have you ever noticed a decrease in passion or frequency of sexual interaction your relationship? Unfortunately, this is not at all uncommon.  Within committed relationships, a wide range of factors may change your sexual satisfaction for better, or worse. The honeymoon phase always wears off eventually, but it’s just one step more tragic if your sex life fades away with it.

This being said, every relationship is vastly different. We mustn’t hold ourselves or our sex lives to anyone else’s standards. The media gives us the impression that when you’re in a relationship showers don’t exist without shower sex and the lights don’t go out without sex being had. Well, this just isn’t the case. Though not being able to keep your hands off each other in the initial stages of a relationship is a pretty standard phenomenon, but it can mellow out eventually for several reasons from stress, happiness to parenthood and that is totally okay. There’s something to be said for being comfortable with a partner, it can be truly lovely. Though an extreme level of comfort or a “rut” can occur after time and no one deserves as “blah” sex life.

So, let’s talk passion.

We know that attitudes and behaviors change through the course of relationships, especially when a couple is together beyond the 3-year mark. Research shows that couples are most satisfied with their sex lives during their first six months together. With both 83% men and women claiming to be satisfied during those initial months. Only about half of the participating couples were satisfied after 3 years, with women at 55% and men at 43% and the rest felt dissatisfied (27% Women / 41% Men) or worse, neutral (18% Women / 16% Men.)

Sexual satisfaction and maintenance of passion were higher among people who:

  • Had sex most frequently
  • Received more oral sex
  • Had more consistent orgasms
  • Incorporated more variety of sexual acts, mood setting, and sexual communication

Research usually should be taken with a grain of salt, and thought about in the limitations that it holds. However, this study could not spell it out in a more simple manner! When you start to question how to keep the passion alive in your long term relationship, read the 4 points above. Easy.

Read more psychnsex.com

Five Tips For Keeping The Sexy and The Passionate in Long Term Relationship

Despite being a published sexuality expert who works with countless women and their partners, I’m always my own best case study. I have written and been public about many parts of my own sexuality. Most of my sexuality has occurred in a long term, mostly monogamous marriage of more than 30 years.

I give lectures and have been interviewed on the lack of passionate sex in long term relationships (including my own), and what we can do about it.

Last night, I realized that I do still have a pretty sexy marriage. That seemed funny to me because not too long ago, my husband and I gave an interview to the Wall Street Journal about having less sex in a long term relationship. That is still true. But things keep shifting for us, and the couples that I am working with. Sex and passion keeps slowly getting better. So what is up?

Tip One: Stick Around a Little Bit Longer Than You Think You Should!
We all know that boiling point, when we think we can’t take it anymore. But there is a gift that comes from sticking around, not throwing your cards on the table and walking away. When you allow for some time, and the understand that relationships can shift, you can often be surprised with what you have.

Tip Two: Long Term Relationships That Remain Sexy Have A Lot of Erotic Privacy
My husband and I have our sex life together, and we have an agreement that allows each of us to have a certain amount of erotic privacy and independence in our marriage. It is has slowly been evolving since I wrote Shameless.

Read more www.ashasexualhealth.org