Sexuality is a crucial energizing force in the lives of human beings. At its best, sex in an intimate relationship is an expression of the emotional bond between two people. It is best understood in terms of the dynamics of the relationship in which it exists.
A healthy sexual relationship reflects the quality of the bond between two individuals. In my experience as a therapist, couples who cherish each other; are demonstrative about their love; and are committed to the relationship’s growth tend to be most content in their sexual lives.
Most often, eroticism is at its height in the beginning of a relationship. Then, mysteriously, it tends to subside. But monogamy need not be monotonous if the couple is open-minded enough to learn about the emotional parts of their relationship that are impeding passion and willing enough to bring novelty, intense closeness, and sensuality into their sex life.
Before anything else, in order to have a good sex life you need to see yourself (regardless of body image) as a sexual human being who has an inherent right to sexual pleasure. Know for a fact you are innately lovable and sexy.
Recognizing the positives in your partner is also mandatory. This means not focusing on his love handles or the skin beginning to sag under her arms. Focus on your partner’s general beauty. Love everything about them.
Listen to what feels good to your partner and what doesn’t without taking it as a sign of your inadequacy. Feedback from your partner is critical in negotiating satisfying sex. When there is distress in the relationship, this feedback is often given and received in the context of fears and anxieties.
SEXUAL DESIRE DISCREPANCY
It is common in intimate relationships for there to be a high-desire partner and a lower-desire partner. Even happy couples have learned to compromise, to deal with the issue with some objectivity and humor and to not let it affect their relationship outside the bedroom.
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