Sexual lulls are normal even for the most passionate couples — and they can actually be a good thing. One psychologist related an aspect of the issue to ennui: “The emotional experience of boredom is impossible to ignore, and in this way it indirectly helps people engage.” Researching the science of boredom helped one of our writers prepare for marriage.
For advice on how to spice up your sex life, we turned to Emily Morse, a sexologist and host of the podcast Sex With Emily. “The problem isn’t the fact that passion fades, it’s that we’re so unprepared when it happens,” she said. “Hot sex is effortless” during the honeymoon phase of a relationship, she explained, and then things inevitably start to cool off. “The bottom line is that we’re hardwired to crave surprise, variety, and adventure — and long-term relationships are the exact opposite. Stability is the enemy of the surprise. Routine cancels out variety.”
Her advice: “Prioritize sex as much as any part of the relationship, and work to bring back the variety and surprise.” Below, she and other sex experts share ideas on how to have more (and better) sex with your partner.
1. Never stop sharing your desires.
“As time goes on, passion fades,” Morse says. “Expect it, and expect to work if you want to keep things hot.” When you feel the fire starting to burn out, “take control and communicate with your partner. If you’re bored, chances are they are, too. The only way to make it work is to do it together.”
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